Four Years

Our vase was iced over, so the boys made a snowman to hold our flowers

Dear Sarah Catherine,

Today you would have turned four.

Instead of a party, we fought tears and visited your gravesite.

Spud insisted on a birthday cake, so I made a Christmas cake, but we didn’t sing.  I just couldn’t.

What would life be like if you were with us?

What would it be like to have a 4 year old daughter?

Would you be a girly girl or would you be a tom-boy with two older brothers?

Would you like teal and gold like I planned to decorate your nursey or would like pink just to spite me?

Would you be petite like your brothers or would you be tall like your dad?

Would you have curly hair?

Would you love to sing?

Would you love to snuggle on my lap and read stories?

Oh Sarah, what would life be like?

I’ll always have questions but no answers.

I know you are looking down on us always.

I know you’re up in heaven with your great grandpas and great aunt Linda and I’m so glad they can take care of you.

But I wish you were here with us.

I held you in my womb, but never met you.

Yet I miss you.

I miss you so much.

Love,

Mama